I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
