Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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