i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Are my feet made of real feet?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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