You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize