It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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