I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize