Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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