two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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