Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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