im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
