just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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