Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Houston, we have a blender
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
