We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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