I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
