First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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