Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
