Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
