Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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