hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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