Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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