why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I touched a dick in church today
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