he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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