the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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