You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
