Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.

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(614): Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash. http://tfl.nu/fkwm

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(425): View more from Washington

If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

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(425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1

Replies (49) Good night (4663) Bad night (879)
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(678): View more from Georgia

No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works

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(678): No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works http://tfl.nu/f20p

Replies (10) Good night (2595) Bad night (945)
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(407): View more from Florida

this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

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(407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8

Replies (65) Good night (13742) Bad night (901)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes

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(708): Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes http://tfl.nu/wqgi

Replies (10) Good night (4381) Bad night (999)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.

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(832): I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie. http://tfl.nu/bxsq

Replies (45) Good night (5656) Bad night (1314)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

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(989): Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street. http://tfl.nu/pdx2

Replies (9) Good night (2734) Bad night (934)
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(094): View more from

After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.

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(094): After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while. http://tfl.nu/x4in

Replies (3) Good night (2817) Bad night (962)
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(654): View more from

And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

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(654): And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out. http://tfl.nu/4u7j

Replies (5) Good night (2421) Bad night (863)
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(206): View more from Washington

Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

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(206): Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/5wes

Replies (6) Good night (1740) Bad night (919)
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(716): View more from New York

You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes

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(716): You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes http://tfl.nu/q993

Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (453)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...

(262): View more from Wisconsin

I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.

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(262): She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor... (262): I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho. http://tfl.nu/4nj6

Replies (8) Good night (1523) Bad night (712)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.

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(443): Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/0m7p

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(813): View more from Florida

My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.

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(813): My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me. http://tfl.nu/3nzi

Replies (9) Good night (949) Bad night (351)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.

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(202): I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control. http://tfl.nu/1mo8

Replies (0) Good night (944) Bad night (298)

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