I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research