yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball