Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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