So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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