Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
