My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
