i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
