I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
