It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
