I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize