The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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