planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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