I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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