Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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