Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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