State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Terrible idea I love it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
