I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
