a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
