Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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