Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
