My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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