i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
