her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
