i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
