i will never coherently bang her
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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