My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
