anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize