fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
