I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
