I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
