Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
