i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
