you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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