we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
