so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
