he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
