Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.

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(408): i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked. http://tfl.nu/0z4b

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(647): View more from Ontario

a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.

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(647): a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much. http://tfl.nu/8vwu

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(949): View more from California

Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?

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(949): Are you going to tell your therapist we boned? http://tfl.nu/8lv6

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.

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(318): Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House. http://tfl.nu/ei4e

Replies (12) Good night (3999) Bad night (698)
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(858): View more from California

Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

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(858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?

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(614): I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip? http://tfl.nu/ff9b

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(614): View more from Ohio

So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

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(614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah

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(561): View more from Florida

She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again

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(561): She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again http://tfl.nu/1qi4

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(501): View more from Arkansas

So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.

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(501): So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again. http://tfl.nu/au9d

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(314): View more from Missouri

Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won

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(314): Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won http://tfl.nu/r5as

Replies (6) Good night (3657) Bad night (834)
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(805): View more from California

how many dildos make it a "collection?"

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(805): how many dildos make it a "collection?" http://tfl.nu/3sue

Replies (12) Good night (1628) Bad night (1129)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.

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(303): I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high. http://tfl.nu/hr24

Replies (10) Good night (1210) Bad night (585)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.

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(907): I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places. http://tfl.nu/na1m

Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (811)
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(330): View more from Ohio

We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.

(330): View more from Ohio

It's hard to explain...

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(330): We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar. (330): It's hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/5wi2

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(575): View more from New Mexico

We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.

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(575): We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray. http://tfl.nu/vf0w

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