The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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