One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media