Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.

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(858): View more from California

Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

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(951): View more from California

I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(380): View more from Ohio

She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time

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(661): View more from California

It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.

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(971): View more from Oregon

I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?

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