I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
