Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

Fav 39 17853 2030
share tweet
(250): View more from British Columbia

even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.

Fav 29 5209 804
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(915): View more from Texas

What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin

Fav 52 1128 3522
share tweet
(805): View more from California

woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

Fav 11 4811 1275
share tweet
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(304): View more from West Virginia

I just found puke in my bra..

Fav 17 1155 6013
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test

Fav 14 3507 1556
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(831): View more from California

maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick

Fav 3 933 1691
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember

Fav 3 973 953
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

It would have only made it one day at my place.

Fav 1 32 12
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT