we're chasing vodka with high fives
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
