Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today

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  (646): your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today http://tfl.nu/czz0
  Replies (3) Good night (2509) Bad night (4631)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (2099) Bad night (759)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We need to get cat food

  (713): View more from Texas

  Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms

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  (713): We need to get cat food (713): Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms http://tfl.nu/t07l
  Replies (23) Good night (5520) Bad night (1052)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"

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  (702): i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower" http://tfl.nu/j2hm
  Replies (8) Good night (739) Bad night (3378)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them

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  (617): were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them http://tfl.nu/uwjn
  Replies (56) Good night (5068) Bad night (794)
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  (+26): View more from

  Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY

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  (+26): Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY http://tfl.nu/9qwj
  Replies (30) Good night (7606) Bad night (2775)
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  (925): View more from California

  He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

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  (925): He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest" http://tfl.nu/ei63
  Replies (12) Good night (3924) Bad night (663)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.

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  (215): Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked. http://tfl.nu/7s06
  Replies (31) Good night (4197) Bad night (2072)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests

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  (267): the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests http://tfl.nu/jxz4
  Replies (15) Good night (1108) Bad night (3767)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.

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  (920): Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/t9h7
  Replies (9) Good night (2331) Bad night (915)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.

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  (609): Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel. http://tfl.nu/x8kg
  Replies (24) Good night (1081) Bad night (515)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.

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  (905): All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for. http://tfl.nu/6yyp
  Replies (12) Good night (818) Bad night (2303)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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  (321): It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises. http://tfl.nu/1767
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (478)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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  (586): I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you http://tfl.nu/0vyd
  Replies (4) Good night (1313) Bad night (436)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.

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  (902): I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at. http://tfl.nu/m09a
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (425)

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