You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
