Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
